Tag Archives: Humor

Ever get a weird look because you didn’t realize the window was down as you were belting out Lady Gaga at the stop sign?  Don’t feel bad, we’re all guilty of a few “auto indiscretions”.   I’m sure most people can admit to succumbing to a at least a few of the items in this list.

1. Blasting tunes and singing karaoke. How can you resist singing along to Peter Cetera or Christopher Cross?  Just me?  How about a little Hall and Oates?  I know I’m not the only one that loses his voice after a long road trip.
2. Flashing your lights at opposing traffic to warn them about a speed trap.
3. At a two lane stop, speeding up just a little bit faster than the guy next to you.  You’re not quite racing, and maybe the other driver didn’t even notice, but sometimes you just need to prove you’re faster.
4. Hitting the drive-through for a late night milkshake (or cheeseburger).  Late night fast food is just so bad….and yet soooo good.
5. Doing donuts in an empty snow-covered parking lot.
6. Driving past your own street or house. On a beautiful day or a cool summer night, you decide to take one more trip down that windy road because you just aren’t ready to be home yet.
7. Trying to see how close you can get to an empty gas tank before filling up or getting stranded.
8. Not coming to a complete stop at toll booths.  I’m not talking about EZPass, but instead the old fashioned kind.  It’s so tempting to throw your money at the change bucket and see if you can avoid coming to a stop before the toll light changes or the arm-gate goes up.
9. Trying fancy trick shots at toll booths. Speaking of throwing your change at a toll booth, ever try a trick shot?  Perhaps seeing if you can get your quarters into the bucket from the passenger side window?  This was big when I was younger at the Jersey Shore.
10. Paying for the guy behind you.  Ok, enough about toll booths…but it’s fun to occasionally surprise someone by paying their toll for them.  This works when travelling in a caravan or even for a complete stranger.
11. Not stopping to check a map or GPS even though you are completely lost.  Instead you trust your “man-sense” to get you to your destination.
12. Flashing your lights or honking in the passing lane to get a slow driver out of your way.
13. Doing the arm motion at a big rig so he’ll blow his horn.  Smokey and the Bandit style!  Fun for kids of all ages.
14. Speeding up on a back-road to hit that sudden dip in the road to make your stomach drop.  It feels like being on a roller-coaster.
15. Slowing down to check out a member of the opposite sex.  Is it a crime to want a better look at that sexy jogger? Well maybe….depending on just how slow you go.

Got any other guilty pleasures?

You may have read an unusual post I made recently on extreme ways to save money on insurance. In light of 4th of July road trips, this time I decided to reveal some rather innovative methods you can use to save money on gas. 

1. Go to fat camp.  That’s right Chunky, for every 50 extra pounds carried around, your vehicle loses about 1% in fuel efficiency.
2. Sweat a little.  Turn off your A/C, it burns more fuel.  And why not keep the windows rolled up…it will help with the first item and reduce drag at the same time.
3. Bikini car wash!  ….or just a regular car wash, whichever you prefer.  Washing and waxing your car creates a smooth surface with less wind resistance and a resulting higher gas efficiency. Is that a stretch?  Well ask a swimmer why they shave their legs.
4. Call in sick, rent a movie, ride a bike, or figure out a reason to stay home and not drive for a day.
5. Come in late.  Skip rush hour.  The stop and go traffic will cause you to consume more gas accelerating.
6. Let a woman drive. Can you believe men are less likely to ask for directions?  Well guess what, getting lost will gobble up gallons faster than anything else on this list.
7. Plug that oil leak.  With hundreds of thousands of barrels of oil flowing into the gulf of Mexico, you can bet it will hurt the price of gas.
8. Move to Florida and pick a nice retirement community.  But stay away from aggressive driving in the Northeast and the high speed limits in the Midwest. If you live in an area where you are likely to speed you’ll burn up gas quicker.  Your engine has to work harder to overcome wind resistance and for every 5 mph you reduce highway speed, you can reduce fuel consumption by 7%.
9. Set your alarm for 3am and go fill up the tank. Buy gas during the coolest time of the day.  Gas gets denser as it cools, but you are charged at the pump based on volume, not density. 
10. Stop being pretentious.  Switch from premium, most cars don’t really need it anyway.  And while you’re at it, why don’t you ditch the fancy sports car for something with a little better mileage.
11. Head to Vegas. There are plenty of auto-shops that will give you a lift to the airport and work on your car while you’re gone.  You can improve gas mileage by up to 10% by replacing your air filter, tuning your engine, and keeping your tires properly inflated, balanced, and aligned.

Do you have any crazy gas saving tips to add?

Everyone has advice these days on lowering your car insurance costs.  Even your mother’s blog has a list of the “10 standard ways to reduce your premiums”.  So let’s break the mold and take a more imaginative look at saving some dough.

Here are some radical new methods you may not have considered using to lower your premiums and keep them low.

1. Become a full-time blogger.  Work from home and classify your vehicle as “recreational” to reduce your rates.  Even carpooling or telecommuting a couple days each week might warrant a reduction in rates based upon lower annual mileage. 
2. Build a lair and establish a secret identity.  Or just be careful giving out your social security number.  Identity theft will hurt your credit score.  And your credit score not only affects your premiums, but also your financing.
3. Take remedial math.   Students with good grades can qualify for discounts, so why not make it easier on yourself?
4. Wrap your car in bubble paper.  Or just tell your agent about your air-bags, ABS brakes, and other safety devices to get a lower rate.
5. Hire a limo,  take a cab, or invite your wet-blanket colleague out with the boys.  Just make sure that someone sober drives you home and you don’t get a DUI or your rates will skyrocket.    
6. Drink less soda.  While it’s illegal for carriers to charge extra for most disabilities, some conditions like diabetes, epilepsy, and certain heart conditions are excluded and may negatively affect rates.
7. Buy the insurance company.  Or if you don’t have a couple billion laying around, just get all your policies from the same company to take advantage of multi-policy discounts.
8. Rob a convenience store.  Legal implications aside, if you can scrounge up the cash to pay your premiums 6 months in advance, you’ll probably get a better rate than monthly payments. 
9. Get married.  Yup, single people pay more.
10. Get a sex change (men only).  Ladies are less aggressive and considered less likely to be in an accident.
11. Move to Conrad, IA (population 1600).  You’ll pay much less in rural areas than you would in the city.  Less people equals less chance of a fender-bender.
12. Become a teacher, doctor, or scientist.  Based on broad stereotypes, some occupations will cause you to have lower premiums due to a perceived lower risk.  Oddly enough, some high premium professions are lawyers, comedians, and bee-keepers.
13. Wait to drive until you’re over 25…over 55 is even better.  It’s simple, rates go down as you get older.   Going to prison or being in a coma might help pass the time, but I’ve never tried either so I can’t say for sure.
14. Call in a bomb threat.  Ok, please don’t do that. But definitely get competitive insurance quotes and then threaten to switch providers.  Insurance agents have the ability to negotiate and will often cut you a deal.  If not, just go ahead and change your provider.   Even if you leave in the middle of a policy period, insurance carriers are required to give you a pro-rated refund.

Got any other creative ways to lower your premiums?

We usually talk about dealer car quotes here, but for a change of pace, here’s a few memorable movie car quotes:
Ricky Bobby: Now, I’ve got a message for all the other drivers out there. If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it’s not your tailpipe. It’s just a little of Shake…and Bake! -Talladega Nights
Marissa: That’s really, loud.
Frank: Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off to give the Red Dragon some juice. But it ain’t exactly street legal so keep it on the down low. -Old School
Truck Driver: Is this Bandit? This is Mr B., gearjammin’ this rollin’ refinery. You got a smokey?
Truck Driver: Come ahead, Bandit. We’ll slip you into the rockin’ chair, play a little hide-and-seek.
Truck Driver: The welcome mat is out, and you’re comin’ home. -Smokey and the Bandit
Reggie: How much of my money did you spend?
Jack: Oh, about 25 grand. You said I could buy a new car.
Reggie: So where is it?
Jack: This “is” the new car!
Reggie: This looks like the same piece-of-sh&t sky blue Cadillac you had before!
Jack: Yeah, I bought the same make, model, year, color, everything the same. That’s the way I like it. I get attached to things, Reggie! –Another 48 Hrs.
Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?
Doctor Emmet Brown: The way I see it, if you’re gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style? –Back To The Future
Elwood: You don’t like it?
Jake: No I don’t like it… (Elwood jumps over an open drawbridge). Of course it’s got a lot of pickup…
Elwood: It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
Jake: (Jake lights a cigarette and then throws the lighter out of the window) Fix the cigarette lighter. –The Blues Brothers